Inktober 2026 - 1 - Apple

“Huh? What’s an apple tree doing here?”

“Could be good luck. You know what they say: ‘An apple a day keeps the Doctor away.’”

“I’ve always thought that was sort of an inane saying. How is eating a single apple every day meant to keep anyone healthy? That’s way too little food. Not to mention extremely monotonous.”

“I don’t think you’re meant to only eat the one fruit. It’s more on top of everything else, for a balanced diet.”

“That’s even worse logic, because then there is absolutely no possible way to establish a causal relation between the regular eating of the apple and one’s continued health.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, there is always the possibility that the apple is meant to be used as a projectile instead of food.”

“How so?”

“‘An apple a day keeps the Doctor away, as long as you aim well.’ Implying you launch it at them.”

“Is there no depth to the idiocy of human sayings?”

“I think it holds up, actually. As fruits go, apples are pretty hard. And quite aerodynamic, to boot. Better than a cherry or a banana, for instance.”

“But nowhere near as threatening as a coconut or a pineapple. Besides, I still have many questions about this. Such as why is a Doctor coming to see you every day, anyway? And if they do, why would they give up on getting to you after having a single somewhat hard fruit thrown at them? I reckon it would be quite easy to dodge something like that, unless thrown by an Olympic-level baseball pitcher.”

“Maybe in that theoretical scenario, Doctors are considered as respectful of boundaries, and they don’t insist once something has been thrown at them?”

“In which case why would throwing anything at them even be necessary in the first place? Couldn’t you just politely ask them to leave you alone?”

“Maybe it’s a bit of both? On days when the Doctor comes to see you, you chase them away with an apple, and on other days, you eat it as a healthy snack.”

“I don’t even see why anyone would specifically want to get rid of a Doctor. Aren’t they the good guys? Here to help, and all that.”

“When you see one, it usually means you’re unwell. Nobody likes hospitals.”

“They come to you because you are in a bad way; they’re not the one that make you sick.”

“Depends who you ask, I guess.”

“Sure. At this point, I'm thinking apple farmers might disagree with me.”

“They do have their work cut out for them redeeming their produce, after all.”

“What are you alluding to now?”

“Apples don’t exactly have a nice reputation, do they? Snow White? Eris? Adam and Eve?”

“Remind me how this whole conversation began? What was it you were saying about that apple tree supposedly meaning good luck? We are going to die in those woods, aren’t we?”

“Look at it this way: at least if a Doctor comes to kill us, we have ammo to defend ourselves.”