Inktober 2024 - 9 - Sun

She was always like the Sun to me.

From the very first time I saw her, I was mesmerised. I had to look away, not to stare, but I wished I didn't need to adhere to such pedestrian rules of conduct. That's how bright she was to me, in every sense of the word. She was as beautiful and caring as she was smart, radiating goodness from inside and out, a beacon of hope in an otherwise suddenly bland landscape. She was this perfect flame no one could possibly hold a candle to, seemed to have that fire in her heart nothing could ever put out.

From that moment on, everything I did pretty much revolved around her. Every friend I had had, every hobby I had catered to so far was put aside, not completely forgotten but relegated to the back of my mind, eclipsed by the discovery of her glorious existence and an imperious craving to reach out to her, without knowing how. And maybe, somewhere deep down, knowing it would never be possible.

She was the centre of my planetary system, impossible to ignore. I seemed to evaluate everything in relation to her. Time and space stretched out when she was near. She made my days: they only really started when she appeared, and as soon as I wasn't around her anymore the world seemed to lose all colour. I dreamed of her at night, her image burned into my retina and on the inside of my eyelids. When awake, the further away from her I found myself, the sadder I felt, and the closer I got to be, the happier I was. Every time I caught a glimpse of her smile, I felt warm inside, and got red in the cheeks. One look from her could make any hurt go away. Basking in her light, I felt indestructible.

Sadly, she probably never even registered I existed. I was just one of the many people in her orbit, objects in her space whose presence she did not mind but that she did not specifically want around her either. She did not have any particular need for me or anyone else, not the way I needed her, for warmth, for light, for life. And she granted me all that without even realising it, without asking for anything in return, thriving all on her own, self-sufficient queen she was. She could have abused the power she had over me, too, but she never did, gently powering through what looked like eternal darkness in comparison to her.

Of course, when she left, it felt like the end of my world. She took all of her blessings with her. After she had gone, I felt cold, frozen to the core. Everything inside of me wilted, as if all energy had been drained from my body. Everything was upside down, spinning out of control and into what seemed like a bottomless black hole. She was irreplaceable, essential to my survival. There had never been and would never be any other like her. She had been my Sun.